Let's not waste any time and get to what all two of you were clamoring for, more #1 hit summaries! Again, these are tracks that did not make the final cut of 100.
21. 4/30/11-5/6/11- "S&M" by Rihanna ft. Britney Spears
As I said with "Rude Boy," there is a limit to Rihanna sexiness. A little too over the top, a little too niche for a #1 coincidentally, the BDSM image doesn't really fit for an upbeat track. It sounded more ugly than anything else.
22. 7/9/11-7/15/11- "Give Me Everything" by Pitbull ft. Ne-Yo, Afrojack and Nayer
The final time you'll ever hear Kodak mentioned in anything pop-culture related, this is a by-the-numbers club jam that Ne-Yo tries his best to save. Ultimately, he can't. I had zero clue before doing research that Afrojack was part of this, and the featured Nayer contributes about ten seconds. Is that really worth a feature credit?
23. 7/16/11-8/26/11- "Party Rock Anthem" by LMFAO
The less said about LMFAO, the better. The Led Zeppelin line makes me wince to this day. You should be sorry for Party Rocking.
24. 8/27/11-9/9/11- "Last Friday Night (T.G.I.F.)" by Katy Perry
I actually had this one marked for the list, but a couple of 2019 tracks pushed it out. Probably the most entertaining Perry has been in her career, from the amusing 80s throwback music video to her stepping out of her comfort zone on the verses. The "epic fail" line was a misfire, yes, but it at least proved she had a little bit of personality.
25. 9/10/11-9/16/11- "Moves Like Jagger" by Maroon 5 ft. Christina Aguilera
The full transition of Maroon 5 from full band to "Adam and his background musicians" takes place here, with the group finally achieving #1 status again, thanks to whatever cache Jagger had left from "Tik ToK." It's not really that listenable, either, with the way Levine drags out "MooooooOOOooooves like Jagger" particularly grating.
26. 9/17/11-9/23/11, 10/15/11-11/11/11- "Someone Like You" by Adele
A mellow track about a love gone wrong, and its #1? This was still thick into the club jam era, so it proved Adele's mettle with sales numbers. The first I heard of her was in an episode of "Ugly Betty" in 2009, and I thought she seemed sweet enough. Apparently, a lot of other people did, too. She's pure talent, so I can't really knock anything here, just not enticing personally.
27. 11/12/11-1/6/12, 1/21/12-2/3/12- "We Found Love" by Rihanna ft. Calvin Harris
You can pinpoint this one as the transition from the techno club jam to the EDM love jam as the choice of the industry. For one, I was happy to hear the end of the endless line of Flo Rida and company talking about bottles and models. However, this song didn't make me feel better about pop at large, as it normalized repeating a few choice lines ad nauseam as a potential money maker.
28. 1/7/12-1/20/12- "Sexy and I Know It" by LMFAO
How many ways can I say the words "not funny?" Excruciating to listen to. Fortunately this one came out in 2012, and not 2019. Today, people on Twitter would be lauding it as a beautiful symbol of anti-body shaming. I laud it as a pile of cow dung. I would rather listen to the actual Wiggles instead of hearing these guys say it 100 times over.
29. 2/4/12-2/17/12- "Set Fire to the Rain" by Adele
I'm just gonna say it, this one is boring. Again, she's pure talent, but this really isn't what I imagined in a #1 hit. It doesn't hit the low notes of "Someone Like You," nor does it carry the great melody of "Rolling in the Deep." It's just kinda there, which shouldn't be said about one of the best artists of the decade. But, alas, it comes across as radio filler.
30. 2/18/12-3/2/12, 3/10/12-3/16/12- "Stronger (What Doesn't Kill You)" by Kelly Clarkson
Speaking of radio filler! Somewhere, Rachel Platten heard this song and said "I can make it even more bland!" Thus, "Fight Song" was born. It wasn't a #1, but for my money it's one of the reasons Hillary Clinton lost the 2016 Presidential Election. It's a reason nobody thinks to bring up, but c'mon, Trump had The Rolling Stones and Clinton had, well, "Fight Song."
As for the Clarkson song, it's a big nothing, which is what most women's empowerment anthems at the time were.
31. 3/3/12-3/9/12- "Part of Me" by Katy Perry
This was the point of Perry fatigue for many. Like the Clarkson track, a big nothing burger. 2012 before the injection of Gotye, Carly Rae Jepsen and Fun was a whole cavalcade of mid-tempo garbage.
32. 6/23/12-8/24/12- "Call Me Maybe" by Carly Rae Jepsen
Infectious, fresh, and with a fun music video; Carly Rae Jepsen's breakout hit lasted two whole months at number one. I'm not complaining, it's a decent tune. My only complaint would be radio overplay, but that's going to happen no matter what. I listened to Z100 in New York City the other day, and they gave me five Ariana Grande songs in one hour, compared to three for every other artist combined.
33. 8/25/12-8/31/12, 9/15/12-9/21/12- "Whistle" by Flo Rida
Never has a sex song sounded less sexy. I kind of just want to laugh, which I did at many Flo Rida songs. Again, you know bottles will be rhymed with models at least once, which always elicits a chuckle. Because I know it's going to happen, and then it does, like clockwork. His true colors and lack of rapping ability were eventually exposed in a rap battle against Bo Rida in 2016.
34. 9/1/12-9/14/12, 9/22/12-9/28/12- "We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together" by Taylor Swift
Ah yes, Taylor's transition from holding onto a country facade to ditching it completely. The talky nature of the verses irks me, as does the typical Swift passive-aggressive posturing. If she's so "over" these dudes and superior to them, why does she waste her time with songs on them? Behind "Reputation," the "Red" era is my least favorite of Swift's. It just seems like she knew she wanted to go full pop, but couldn't navigate it quite yet. By the time "1989" hit, though, she put the pieces together.
35. 9/29/12-11/30/12- "One More Night" by Maroon 5
Why in the world was this #1 for two months? It has nothing to say other than "woe is me, I have steamy hot sex with a dimepiece, how can I go on?" That's the message we liked so much as a culture, we made it tops in the country? While "Some Nights" was on the radio at the same time? America didn't need to feed Adam Levine's ego for two months, it's big enough as is.
36. 12/1/12-12/21/12- "Diamonds" by Rihanna
Another repetitive song, but at least this one sounds cleaner than "We Found Love." I notice this one gets covered a ton, whether on YouTube, at karaoke, or by actual artists.
37. 3/2/13-4/5/13- "Harlem Shake" by Baauer
I was trying to think of the biggest miscalculations in American musical taste, and this one probably tops them all. Yes, "Gangnam Style" never hit #1, but this one did. It hit the top on the back of a popular YouTuber at the time, Filthy Frank, whose video catapulted a million missteps in human history with attempts at recreation.
Back in high school, we had a once-weekly news-style show, produced by students. It would air before first period in the mornings. Well, at the height of the Harlem Shake craze (which lasted a whole month!!), they went overboard. Every single solitary segment of the show ended with random students or mascots popping into frame to start the Harlem Shake. It was okay the first time, but by the sixth? My whole math class was groaning. I wish all of America groaned sooner.
P.S. It's not even a good beat, which is what the entire song is made up of.
38. 4/20/13-4/26/13- "When I Was Your Man" by Bruno Mars
Now this is how you do a long-lost love ballad. No passive-aggressive "I'm better than you" Swift-like presence, just reflection. The slower tempo works well with the thoughtful tones, and is another example of "what can't Bruno do?"
39. 4/27/13-5/17/13- "Just Give Me a Reason" by Pink ft. Nate Ruess
Remember when I said that if Pink songs have energy, they usually turn out pretty well? Yeah, this one lacks any energy at all, and fails to get out of even second-gear. Gotye gave everyone the blueprint of how to do a man/woman duet just a year earlier. Pink and Ruess don't feed off of each other's voice like Gotye and Kimbra did, and there's no real crescendo or resolution. Ironically, I can't think of any reasons why this song even needed to be made, besides the profits.
40. 6/22/13-9/13/13- "Blurred Lines" by Robin Thicke ft. T.I. and Pharrell
Ok, who picked Robin Thicke as our artist of the summer? I thought 2013 was probably the best music summer of the decade, and who was on top the whole time? That's right, the C-list R&B guy. Had Pharrell and T.I. made this on their own, the track would've done just as well. Thicke, despite being the main artist, brings the least to the table.
P.S. It's really cute how clever Thicke thought the "hug me" line was.
In the next batch of #1s: We Roar, we say Sorry, and we Work.